Self-care tip: Solo retreat

I've been living together with my now-husband for 7 years already. We are both introverts, and appreciate our own space, and so also respect the others'.

It was during the pandemic-lockdowns that I started entertaining the idea of going on a solo retreat. We both worked from home, were home all the time, our space became so tiny that I felt like I needed to get away from it for a little while. Once hotels reopened, I decided to book a night away in a hotel. I remember my husband's looking at me with big question marks in his eyes. He even asked me if something was wrong between us. No, I just felt like I needed to get out of the safety and familiarity of our home, and needed some space and time to spend with myself, and me only.

My solo retreat

I chose a hotel nearby, just about 30 minutes' drive away. The hotel had a spa area and room service. All I needed, really. I did go out for a short walk upon arrival, just to get some fresh air. I took along my yoga mat, and had a nice long and relaxing yoga session in my room in the afternoon. Then, visited the spa and had a nice massage. I ordered room service with some wine, even had dinner in bed. I otherwise hate eating in bed, but this time around, it felt really good. All along I've allowed my thoughts to wander and didn't reject or suppress anything. No judgement, just curiosity. Because writing is a natural way for me to express myself, I grabbed my computer (personally, I find typing easier than hand writing) and started typing. I didn't have any specific agenda, any trigger or prompt, I just wrote down whatever came to my mind and let myself play with those thoughts, look at them from different angles, allowed myself to feel the emotions attached to them, cried a little bit, laughed a little bit. It was a safe space and only mine. Naturally, my husband was a bit nervous, so he kept bombarding me with messages. I turned my notifications off, I wanted no disturbance. I was listening to music, sipping my wine and enjoying my me-time. It was truly relieving and I felt so much lighter and free. I had a good night sleep in the middle of a double bed. Started the day with a coffee in bed, no rush, no expectations. Afterwards, did my second long yoga session, slow and allowed myself to truly feel my body. Then it was about time to grab breakfast, pack up and return to reality. Overall, it was an amazing get away. Not because I was doing anything special, or visited a place so unique. I literally locked myself up in my hotel room. Nevertheless, it allowed me to just be, just do what felt right in that moment, I didn't have to meet any expectations, I didn't have to serve anyone or please anyone, and I allowed myself to open up and let some painful and happy thoughts come to surface.

I went back home full of energy and very relaxed at the same time. Although my husband didn't quite understand it at first, since then he had his own solo retreat. I truly think, especially for us, introverts, this is a great way to leave the noisy world behind and just spend some quality time with ourselves.

Self-care tip: Solo retreat tips

Here are some tips and tricks if you got inspired to plan your very own solo retreat:

• It's not about luxury: It doesn't have to be a 5-star hotel, although if that is what makes you feel special for those days, you can always go for that. But for those on budget, explore the possibilities, pick small villages or less touristy places for a better price. You don't have to overstretch your spendings to have a nice time away with yourself. Maybe a friend of yours is going on vacation and happy if you watch their house for a night. Or there's a last minute deal for half the price. Keep your eyes open for opportunities.

• Be clear on what would charge you up during the solo retreat: Before booking anything, I recommend to write down 5 things that you want to get out of this solo retreat. For me it was: get out of the house, relax with yoga, get a massage, reflect and deal with my emotions, undisturbed time alone. This is your starting point. Now you just need to look for the right place that allows you to achieve it. If you feel like spending time in nature, then don't book a hotel in the capital. Vice versa, if spending time in museums, or enjoying art is what gives you the best time, then you need to find a place with good museums.

• Try spontaneity: We, introverts tend to like to have everything planned out. It is nevertheless good to know what facilities are available in the neighborhood but it is nice to allow yourself the time to just be and go with the flow. One can easily distract themselves from facing the real emotions by doing activity after activity. Go back to your list of what you want to achieve and make as many or as little plans that allows you to reach your goal.

• Allow yourself to go on a solo retreat: For some, partners may not be as supportive or children needing attention, then there's the cleaning, groceries, dog, and the list goes on. We can easily start to feel guilty that we are dropping the ball and leaving our family behind. Please don't go there. You deserve this. You actually do good for your entire family by going on this solo retreat. Why? Because you will come back more relaxed, more focused, more determined, more approachable, more happy, and the list goes on. Just do it. Enjoy. Get the most out of it. And for sure it will enable you to get the most out of the days when back at home.

If possible, I like to do such solo retreats every once and a while. As an introvert, the solo retreat gives me the opportunity to really sink into my inner life and distance myself from others. It is a great way to recharge and process challenges, emotions, self-judgment and just allow the space and time for myself. Allow full attention to myself.